Intercession

I can hear it…. my fingers feel it… a melody, and a song written somewhere just beyond my reach.

My fingers touch the keys. Stiff. Longing. Untrained. Aching…

So many things well up within me.  Things I don’t have the words to speak, or to write.  Wonderful things.  Mourning things.  Things heavy with both joy and sorrow; the ache of loss a friend has to face… the triumph of a victory for a family member… desperation for one to understand and another to find relief, to find escape.  To speak to all the love that is power, compassion, comfort and strength.  To say clearly the perfect words each ear needs to hear, each heart needs to feel… to know.

I will my fingers to fly over the keys, to pen out the things I contain deep inside, to reach the impossible depths and retrieve the unknown language locked away… Literally just beyond my grasp!

There is mercy, favor unmerited, and grace, the power to be what we cant possibly… the link is belief. The key is faith. The force is love.  And it is right here… right here.

And so, I lift my hands and rest my palms.  I pray.  I lift my heart’s cry to the One who hears, who knows without being told, who understands that language I cannot fathom, and who has all the answers.  I pray.  And I pray.  And I pray.

The tears run for those who are hurting.  Praises leave my lips for those who are rejoicing.  A silencing ache fills my chest for those who are suffering.  And for those who are lost, loosing their way… for them I let out a shout.  A plea.  A sound in the dark, in hopes their ears might hear and they might know they are not alone.  Not even close to being alone.

I see their faces.  Many I know.  Many I love.  Some I’ve never seen before.  For everyone I let my heart speak… His words covering my own, His thoughts reaching the depths of emotion, His love flowing farther than I can imagine…

In this way, together, His hands over mine, we write the melodies and we sing the songs that bring the changes we long to see.

Holy are You, Lord.  Holy are You! Above all else, and every other name. You are I AM, the One who cares.  The One who loves.  The One who saves. Mighty is Your name.  You are like no other.  Mighty is Your name!

 

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Reflection {the change in direction}

“You are brave and strong.  You are My pride and Joy.  You radiate with My love.  Remember, you are not who you think you are.  You are who I created.  I know you. You are every bit the perfect one … Continue reading

{prayers} Of Intercession

With the children tucked into bed and the tea steeped and steaming, the house quiet and the heat filtering through vents, I peak out the window.  Frost is already visible, glinting silver on blades of dying grass and bare twigs in naked trees.

The moon is low and and full, as if the light it carries is a heavy weight tonight.

Below the fog is lifting up from the wetlands and the evergreens on the foothills across the fields appear black and dense, with the flickering train light dancing airily through the bends over the river’s bridge, into the open for a moment, then back into dense black.

These moments, alone in my room after hours of being surrounded by people, these moments are the most precious and the most daunting.  In the quiet I see the faces of those I’ve smiled at, loved on and been loved by, spoken to… I see their eyes… and I see so much more.

I see the weight of life, the struggling words within.

I see joy, I see futures and hope.

So much.

I hear words.  Words that they shared, these beautiful people.  Words accounting for things I’ve seen, and words hiding the things behind their eyes… words of secret pleading.  Words of truth and words of masked uncertainty.  Insecurity and expectation blend together as, in the silence, these words refill my ears.

Then the Lord invites me in.

It’s a place that inhabits my room, and opens up from within my mind; a peeling back of a veil and a stepping through in thought that I can feel in the air I sit in and draw breath from.  Into this place I carry all these wonderful people, their eyes and their words.  Everything that I have seen, I bring here.

Face to face and side by side, His arm around me, His presence pressing lightly down, surrounding me.  I know the sound of His voice so clearly and it brings a soothing calm.  I used to come here dressed in armor, ready to do battle in His name.  What silly girl I was!  Like going to bed with shoes on, is how I would enter this secret, intimate place.

Now, we sit in the quiet together.  He already knows everything that I come to Him with.  He knows each and every name, has seen each and every eye and heard each and every word.  It was at His invitation that I was able to see; and together we speak the necessary words back, the healing words, the cleansing words.  Words of comfort, of hope and of acceptance that each one needs.  At times He invites me to pick up pen and paper and write a note that He speaks to one or another.  At times I read His Word instead, and occasionally speak it out loud, back to Him.  And sometimes we simply weep together, for there are some things that no words can heal.

I feel His heart beat, He is that close, and I know His smile, the astounding love in His eyes that breaks with the gut wrenching pain of some whom we have seen and heard.  I have seen His jealousy, and know His patience well.  His compassion is endless, His kindness so immense.

Every moment we are together changes me.

Every moment spent in His presence within this secret space fills me with something I cannot explain. I carry it back with me.  Peace.  Grace.  Understanding?  Thanksgiving.  Humility.  Adoration…

And before drifting off to sleep I often hear, “Thank you, Child,” and I feel the gentle embrace of His presence enfolding me within His love.

“I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.”      Mark 11:24

Rekindled

Do you remember how you first felt when you fell in love for the first time?  When romance took you away in a cloud of light and fiery passion?  I remember falling in love, and I remember the floating feeling and the safety it provided.  I remember the desire to escape the eyes of others to be alone with Him.  I remember our dates.  I remember sitting for hours in His embrase.

Then life happened.  People moved into my sphere and desired more attention, attention I was happy to give and to receive.  More of me was expected and demanded as more people entered in.  And, somehow that first love got pushed into the back corner of a closet.

Every now and then I would long for it.  I would miss it, and the ache would drive me to go digging through a pile of forgotten things to find it.  Sometimes I would see a fleeting glance of that old light, or feel a twinge of that fire.  But reality soon came calling and it’s message was that all my striving to work up enough faith to pretend it was there was only keeping me from doing what was expected to be done today.

The thing about reality and people is that they sometime ask a lot.  Sometimes the requests are cutting and deeply wounding.  Sometimes they are so consistent they become comforting in their dependability.  Reality never lets dreams soar too high, and people help us remember our reality.  Even if they don’t mean to.

But, if the chance happens that you hear a faint and familiar whisper – listen to it!

With more people in my life now then ever before, more demands and responsibilities looming high on my shoulders, more ways I disappoint rather than fulfill, I heard it.  A whisper from the back of forgotten. And a stirring, a longing and a yearning in response rose up within me.  And I found them; the old love letters.  I flipped through them, the dust rising as a reminder of how many years have passed.

And now, years apart from when I was young, free to go wherever I heard my name on His lips, I find His love once again.  Here, in this hour, when life and troubles and duties and rolls I play have stitched themselves to me like a permanent garment shown in wrinkles and stretch marks; now I find His love is as strong as it was then. His desire as passionate and consuming as then.

But, now, I feel awkward.  No longer the youth, no longer naive or innocent, I feel as if I am reaching through a fog to grasp His hand once again.  I hear His voice as if through water, I see His eyes as if in a shadow.  And then, there is the matter of my forgetting Him altogether and a wall of self-consciousness parts us further. But all He says is, remember.

When memories flick through my mind I feel that old passion tingling to life.  I feel that complete surrender and that awe and desire churning up deep inside.  And the more I remember, the more I long for Him, for that love, for that abandoned life.  I remember also, the total acceptance, the unconditional provisions of tender wooing, when flaw and inadequacies only made His love that much more precious, that much more powerful a force within me.

And in all my wondering what the many flaws acquired between then and now will mean to Him, He reaches through the water and fog and shadow, and pulls aside my wall of self-consciousness as if it were only a thin veil, uncovering me at the very core of myself.  Standing there completely exposed before His eyes, tears dripping down my cheeks as He takes me in, I am filled with wonder.  The look in His eye grows more passionate in each passing second, so passionate it stirs a twinge of fear up my spine.  Yet His touch is gentle, so gentle.

He takes me in His arms, enfolds me in His embrace, and He speaks:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as Mine.

How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!

Like a lilly among thorns.

Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.  You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words! You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words.

You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. Your love delights me, you hold me hostage with one glance from your eye.

I have examined your heart and I know you from the inside out. I know every small move you make, and every thought you think. 

I have never left your side, never have you gone anywhere that I haven’t already gone ahead and prepared for you. I have sealed up every place you have left, and kept each memory with me, next to my heart.

You have thought you were hidden, but never from My sight. 

Never were you where I was not.

My treasured friend, my love, I made all your delicate inner parts, I formed your body while you were still hidden from this world, I watched you form in perfection, I watched over all your complex and marvelous workings, watched as each of your days ahead were numbered and written in My Father’s book. 

My love for you grew with each passing moment, with each beat of your unborn heart. How precious were your thoughts to me then, as they are now!

Never will there be a day, never will there come an hour when My love for you will diminish. 

Never will there be a more lovely sight to Me then you.”