I see a lot of things.
hurt. betrayal. wounds of various kinds. pain. things done in secret, kept a secret.
bleeding on the inside
Things no one likes to talk about, except in terms of others… sometimes… if we are brave enough. Or scared enough.
Things we rarely share about ourselves…
Sometimes I sit back and just listen.
I hear things no one ever says. Spoken in the lilt of her voice. Her softened tone. Her edgy quietness. Sometimes, in her overt laughing jilt.
We talk a lot and rarely say anything. I hear more in what is never spoken than in the words that fill the air around me.
desperation. longing. loneliness. searching for validation, a place to fit. a shred of hope.
And at night I dream.
I see women who long to be comforted, crying. I feel the ache of loneliness, the crushing weight of worthlessness, sickness, fear, anger and suffering.
And then, as I sleep, I see a face I love. His eyes so tender with mercy, longing with love, and full of compassion. I see Him look at each woman, study her, think of her, examine her… I watch His eyes brim over with His own tears and I see the love there deepen. I see that He finds her perfect, lacking nothing, beautiful, unblemished, and longs to reach out and heal every part of her she finds lacking.
And in my dream I go to Him, I step into His arms and feel His warmth, His healing life washing over me, and I know intimately that I am loved. I feel His tears on my own skin, and I know His heart breaks over those who are afraid still.
In my dream they are only a reach away, these women. Broken and afraid. It only takes one reach of my hand to touch her shoulder, to turn her toward the One I love. The One I’m loved by. The One who loves her with the love she longs to feel.
But my eyes open in the darkness of my room and she is gone. A memory of the day passed. In the darkness I whisper the words that won’t be spoken, I know He hears me. I still feel His warmth, His tears… He loves her more than she knows and I whisper to her, there in the darkness. He hears me, He sees her, wherever she’s sleeping and His love surrounds her there.