in the Quiet Hours

I enjoy a full moon.

The brimming light of night revealing a rich scene in the wetlands below our home; a cascade of sounds fill spaces blackened by shadows cast in it’s crystalline luminosity… Frogs, an owl, night birds and bugs, a distant train, coyotes.

From my place beside our bedroom window I can take in the view, as if watching a lit stage in the privacy of a box seat.  Here, my heart awakens. Here, I can speak the words that sat dormant in the recesses of my mind all day, hovering in my conscience like the effects of wind seen on distant trees, but not yet felt on my own skin.  These words are propelled up by emotions that I’ve plied with all day, in an ebbing and flowing effort to keep my calm and remain in control.

Here, beside my window under the light of a full moon, tears often flow.  Guilt released.  Failings set to flight, like the delicate feathery seedlings of a wish flower.  The measuring tape that shows how short I stand in comparison to the perfection set up in my mind as standard mothering and wifing material, releases in this place; recoiling away from me, setting me free.

Here, where utter nakedness exposes the raw vulnerability that hides beneath carefully folded choices in the brilliant light of day, here is where careful can crumble into fragile… frail.

And here, in the quiet hours of moon light, where this corner of the world sleeps, here is where I find robes of rich Love.  Here is where my frailty is both uncovered and enveloped in a beautiful motion of outpouring and release, receiving and falling into.  Where tears leave my heart, and quiet joy refills my soul.  Where I find myself encased in the presence of my Creator, safe in the acceptance of His endearing Love.  Where Grace exposes all within me, compassion unearths the ugly while Mercy heals the wounds and Kindness leads me closer in.

It is here, in these quiet hours, that I find my reason for breathing in and breathing out, my passion for tomorrow and my forgiveness for yesterday.

In these quiet hours, it is here that I meet my Lord and find the rest that sleep has never been able to offer me.

 

Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

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