Completely surrounded by people, friends, family members, loved ones… yet completely alone. That is how I can describe my life on several occasions. It can be a miserable place to stand in.
I recently went through a few experiences that left me feeling this way again. One really amazing experience, shared by only a few, propelled me into a season of experiences ranging from downright weird to totally refreshing. In each case, I found myself without someone to process these with. My husband kept probing, wanting to be my support, yet there were pieces that I just couldn’t put into words, key pieces that I couldn’t even grasp. I was alone in my altered perceptions after each experience. He couldn’t be my answer guy, and I felt both lonely and disappointed.
In the same way, my daughter will ask me a question over and over again. Something regarding a point of attitude, something within her heart – something I can’t answer for her. It frustrates her a ton, and I see in her eyes that same loneliness that I experience when there is no one around who can answer my questions and help me make sense of what I am going through.
The only advice I can give her, and myself, is to ask her Heavenly Father and to wait for His response.
So much easier said than done! However, enough time spent being lonely and without human ability to help, recently drove me to seek an answer from Him. To truly press in, pleading for understanding and relief, through a veil of tears.
I didn’t get my full answers, but what I did gain was worth every minute of loneliness. In that quiet voice that forms through thought beyond my ability to think, I heard this;
It is in the midst of loneliness that you learn to turn to Me. It is through the pressures of being kept alone that you begin to understand a desire to see My face. It is in being held apart that you learn the feeling of being held by My hand. For I alone AM the One who will set your heart at peace and your mind at rest, and I AM the One who provides everything you need. When you learn who I AM, you will never long for another. I will fulfill all you require. When I am in My rightful place, disappointment and loneliness will fade to nothingness and you will be a steadfast and abundant blessing.
Though I still lack understanding of all that is going on in me and around me, I now consider these seasons of loneliness to be seasons of discovering blessing. Learning to press in and desire the presence of His hand around me, an audience before His face, so that I learn even better who He is. Discovering exactly how not alone I am.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6&7